Sunday, July 19, 2009

Played Out

K i need a new fixx..... ii have this thing where i find a song i like and listen to it like a bazillion times, till i've sucked all the listening power from it. Then i drop it like a bad one night standd. Music does something to me only a few peopple understand.
i love it, sometimes after listening to a good song, i need to fix my hair and smoke a cigarette. ii dont know if my internet addictions generated from my love of socializing and/or music , which ever reason one planted the seed doesn't matter. Just the fact that they both live in and dominate my cerebral cortex, mainly my temporal lobe, and i am powerless to stopping em (if i ever wanted to), is all that matters any more.
ii also dont have a personal ipod or computer so i search for what i like over Youtube (iim old school) and i just realize my videoos watched is at: 1,239. and ive only kept that account for llike the past month. i'd hate to know how bad pandora would incriminate me on this issue (the issue of spending to much time on the computer).. and its not even like i spend all my time on the computer, i work and have a rigorous social life. but the faact that i have accounts with Facebook, myspace, blogspot, twitter (not used, that much) youtube, pandora, and gmail that are checked regularly iis kinda scaryy though. I'm not a total nerd, i'm suree if i possessed the quality to sleep at night like most people i wouldn't have such a large playlist...

Monday, June 29, 2009

Ooo baby, I can't get you off my mind!! in the fantasizing about you experiencing severe mental or physical pain, type of way

(this relates to to a few previous love interest, i would never put up with all of this from one man)

And yea, it really sucked when you slept with that girl, because i can't believe i didn't have a loser like you trained better...

When i acted like i cared, by acting like i didn't care in a adorable way. I REALLY DIDN'T CARE!

Your mom is fucking creepy!!

Your friends hit on me allot, in a serious fashion!!!! Even tried to talk me into leaving you for them. I never mentioned it because they also ratted you out on the DL, often.

Your NOT as cute as me, not by a LONG shot. Do flatter yourself.

Your jokes are Really stupid, at first i thought it was for attention now i think you might be semi retarded. Sorry

I've honestly never heard anyone talk about themselves for so F*ing long. Self Confidence is one thing. Your just annoying.


Allot of the things i yelled about I never even care about, you just get on my nerves.

Your new girls a dirty whore, i know it sounds like this might be out of jealousy. But its really just a fact. She gave one of my friends the clap.

It just took me a while to figure it out, but normally your just boring. Sucks for you.

Your not nearly as cool as you think you are.


Sunday, June 28, 2009

i'm not the person i've become. Because i'm always changing. Therefore i really cant become anything, so i became nothing.

if your already depressed dont read this, my Gloominess is contagious. & if any of this offends you, that sucks. my morals and concience abandoned me sometime during 6th grade.... I don't live, I just hullucinate... i cant talk, i just conjure up scenario's that resemble dreams... I've never touched, I only fantasize about tangible matter. I can concieve the notion of these experiences from how others describe it, but know that as far back as i can remember i havent felt reality like i should. Honestly ii don't even know what i like.. When i think about it's some what depressing but also moderately comforting because i can live a lie that you and i pressume true. But i can only kid myself for so longg, before i look in the mirror and can't reckonize the reflection.There has to be a time limit on how long someone can become hypnotized by superficial substance, before they feel digust and become nauseated by how insubstantial there lives are. It kills me to see the people i care about headed to such a destructive paths that i've endured before, and it left me unhappy and exhuasted for too long.. But they won't listen to me, i wouldn't have either. Just because i'm better than i was doesn't make me even close to a good person. I can't do anything too save them but sit there witness there desolation, but no longer endure there pain . i don't think im fully comatose to feeling others pains, just very desensitize to it. ii often ponder if this is why my mister rights normally end up sleeping in other girls rooms?? maybe i just like assholes idk i quit dating, im content with my main man tank.Well my rides here... if a keg and 50 of my closest friends can't get me outta this funkk I don't know what can. xoX

introduction: ii kinda rock. But ii'm also self destuctive, selfish, insecure& probably the only reason i'm alive is cuz my friends KickAss!!

Soo today i begin a whole new blogg because my ex is a stalker, and even though i know nobody readss these stupid things. My lifes too inconsistant aand i tend to make impulsive decisions that end me up in strange situations, therefore i tend to lose journals, keys, phones, and other important assets, relativily easy.

~I used to care what other thought about but noww i couldn't give a shit, i'll listen to your objectives and try to understand them. But it will piss me off if you try to bother me, because you don't like my beliefs, attitude, or just general perspective of life. And its a 'terrible, horrible, no good, very bad' idea to do that.
Occasionally ii spectulate that not giving a shit probably is not always a great way to go about life. There are definitely some social guidelines missed out on, like i don't think i understand the concept a social relationship. Let me elaborate, i have 1 maybe 2 good friends that have never done anything to damage my trust. And normally i only hang with thesee people, to the point where wer were often confused for lesbians. & i've only really been able to have that click (you know where it feels like it just works) with two boys and only one ever lasted for a extended amount of time, then ended very badlyy. And maybe that parts normal cuz i am farely young. But both boys were bi-polar (not violent) but they changed on the drop of hat, and it kept me intrigued in a sick way.

I normally get along with everyone but i never found my niche, i jump around and never stay in one group for longg. Im Not all for labels but i want to know what i'd be categorized in, or maybe i am in a clique, i'm just ignorant to this fact.... i know i've fucked up alot, and i'm definitely alternative but i think some as bad ass to rebel, or be different, but most rebels rebel with other rebellers to be different and don't even really care about the cause, or look at both sides, i just but don't really realize there just enrolling in a total different segment of conformity . I dont feel the need to be accepted, i just want to know how i am conceived. And i honestly don't really care it would just be cool to know.
FUCK IT THIS IS ME IN MY EYES: i'm kinda out there, . i'm definitely more alternative, i like grungy boyish thinggs, but i'm still very vain and like to look ggood in/or doing grungy boyish things(i do this well). I Love writing on walls, but sometimes get in trouble for this. I love stoners there generally a fun group of people, but at the current moment in my life i don't do drugs. i dont know why i'm even writing about this, i just want you to get a general idea of me, maybe? Whatever main point (maybe not a main point, but iits definitely a good point) => I normally get along with everyone, i don't judge others experience in a black and white or right and wrong (mainly cuz i've done almost everything i could to fuck up and with alot of help from a few good friends, i got to a semi good place in my life. But i didnt do these thing cuz i was a bad person just got caught up in bad stuff) but its not what your doing or the label you have, mainly its about personality for me and if you need it that you know when to ask for help..

I took to much adderall with nothing to do... my minds racing and my fingers cant keep up i willl most llikely regret putting this on the internet but i doubt anyone really reads these fucking things. .